Do you remember being asked countless times as a kid, “*what do you want to be when you grow up*?”

I certainly do and I cannot remember what I said…probably something creative or strange, I’m guessing. For young adults the pressure is on and a well thought out plan for structure and stability are expected when this question comes in at 90 mph. What we wanted to do for the rest of our lives had better been good or we would be in for many follow-up questions with no way out. Kind of glad those days are gone. But wait…Fast forward through trials, errors, wrong turns and misjudgments to our own annual life audit which leads to the emotional beating up of oneself for a while. A common coping strategy may be something chocolate flavored or fermented. We all know by now that exercise and a healthy snack will keep us from our dark place, right? Yeah, that stuff usually follows the meltdown, but rarely saves us from it. Or there is always the advice from my feisty grandmother, “don’t look back if you can’t laugh, shithead.” (That’s her loving, lifelong nickname for me—not kidding, I have the birthday cards to prove it.) Anyway, at this point in the life audit, goals start to take shape and the vision boards get assembled adjacent to countless pro and con lists. “What do I want to do?” “Who do I want to be?” “What is my purpose?”

For some reason, these questions seem so strange to me today. As an avid pinner, I often use Pinterest as a vision board. It has become a mental break for me to look outside of myself to see beautiful products, ideas and lifestyles. It’s fun, but it can spill over and blur reality a bit.

This morning, I had a mini awakening and wanted to reword the question “who do I want to become,” and changed it to “who will I become from being me,” rather than what do I want to become. Arthur Ashe’s quote “start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can,” became more clear to me. If you think about it, “what you want to be” is like wearing clothes that don’t fit or planting lemon seeds and expecting carrots to grow. The phrases we use and the questions we ask ourselves and others are important so they need to be accurately worded.

Who did I become from being me? What version of myself will I become in 20, 30 or 40 years? It’s a journey not found on Pinterest boards. This is original and I am definitely still discovering new parts every day.

Happy New Year!